The Bachelor Winter Games (Ep. 1): Bachelor World Comes Together To Play Games With Each Other

Bachelor Games Ceremony

What is the Bachelor version of winter games? Well, for starters it’s not taking place in South Korea, but instead it’s in…Vermont.

Ben Higgins is the first cast member introduced. We get a recap of his Bachelor failure of picking Lauren, while any sane man would have picked JoJo.

Bibiana is up next. She’s a recent familiar face from Arie’s season.

Speaking of failure, Dean is up next. Apparently he’s done some self-reflection. Sure.

Clare retired from the Bachelor, and looks like she’s already un-retired. Her attempt at justifying her retirement is equally unsuccessful.

Josiah from Rachel’s season is up next.

Lesley Murphy from Sean Lowe’s season is up next. She reveals she’s had a double mastectomy.

Ashley I. needs no introduction. She cries. A lot.

Hannah Storm joins Chris Harrison to host, with sportscaster Ashley Brewer. This is the night that Storm’s career ended.

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ABC

“Team USA” walks down the street in a parade. Incredibly lame commentary follows. This is worse than the NFL Pro Bowl.

Luke Pell is part of team USA. How much did they pay him to go against his Bachelor standstill.

Yuki is here for team Japan. She doesn’t know English either.

Team Canada is up next. Lead by Canadian Ryan Sutter wannabe Kevin.

Zoey is a solo competitor from China.

Laure is the only U.K. competitor.

Australia has a Tiffany and Courtney (he’s a guy).

Team Sweden has a Rebecca.

Jenny from Finland.

New Zealand has two women representing.

Christian apparently can represent both Germany and Switzerland.

A new ultimate show low (there has been plenty of those over the years), the contestants rise for “The Bachelor Anthem”.

Speaking or Ryan and Trista come out with the “Bachelor Lantern”.

Mingling

Chris Harrison comes to the house to introduce himself. He announces there will be rose ceremonies. A Bachelor Winter Games will be crowned in the end. Whoo Hoo. Japanese girl couldn’t get over that people kiss on the show. Dean is on the prowl for Lesley.

Everyone wants Kevin, and by everyone I mean the two criers, Ashley I. and Bibiana.

Josiah can’t get over New Zealand Ally’s badunka dunk a.k.a her ass. Bystander Christian is happy to see them making out.

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ABC

Let The Games Begin

The games have arrived. I still can’t get over Chris Harrison’s beard. The first event is, wait, they need to learn how to ski first. First casualty is Ally who falls on her bum bum. The dangers of this competition are evident.

Biathlon is between Michael G? He’s on the show? Benoit, Josiah, Luke and Ben Higgins. Josiah face plants immediately. Somehow through everyones failures, Dean manages to win the qualifier.

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ABC

These people (all of them) are brutal. They can’t even ski in a straight line. Kevin and Rebecca win their competitions and date cards. Kevin is deciding between Bibiana or Ashley I. He quickly goes with Bibiana.

Rebecca asks Luke on a date. Luke is wearing his leather jacket that he’s grown out of 10 years ago.

Dean and Lesley are talking about boobs, while Clare wants Benoit to teach her how to cook. She tells him that he needs to wear his dorky glasses, cause they look super sexy on him.

My favorite part is Christian trying to say Josiah’s name. Best part of the show.

Short Stay

A rose ceremony starts with a half hour left on the show. Harrison announces there will be five people leaving. They will vote off each other.

Lesley is voting off Jamey. Yet, another individual that just got introduced to America. Wait, what country is he even from?

Looks like Ally might be Josiah’s only ally. The women are turning on him and Clare is on a mission to get him out of the house.

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ABC

Benoit only wants Clare so that he can cook with her. Get this man a Groupon for a cooking date. Christian has other plans for her. He has a talk with Clare about kissing and the merits of lip kisses.

Onto the roses. Rebecca and Kevin are safe.

  • Jenny
  • Luke
  • Lesley
  • Dean
  • Stasi
  • Ben Higgins
  • Lilly
  • Courtney
  • Yuki
  • Christian
  • Benoit
  • Clare
  • Bibiana
  • Ally
  • Michael
  • Tiffany
  • Ashley I. (of course)
  • Josiah

Eric heads home, British girl, Jamey, Zoe all head home. That completes episode 1.

BACH TALK:

The premiere of The Bachelor Winter Games arrived and here are some take aways.

  • The first half hour was incredibly brutal and cheesy.
  • Why didn’t we get an introduction to all the American contestants?
  • Eric we hardly knew you. The man who placed third on Rachel’s season was largely forgettable in his short stint on here.
  • Hard to tell some of the world competitors apart.
  • Focus is on Clare, Dean, Ashley I. and Bibiana, so the usual suspects.
  • This show is airing in 48 hours again? Twice a week? Three nights of Bachelor?

For more on The Bachelor, visit my site The Bachelor Universe and follow me on Twitter @TheJimAlexander

The Bachelor (S:22 E:7): That’s Amore

Welcome To Tuscany

The women arrive in Tuscany, Italy. Chris Harrison informs the ladies that it’s a week before home towns and there will be no rose ceremony, only dates. Becca K. is the first one to get a solo date with Arie. To start the date, they go get some bread and have a little picnic.

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ABC

Picnic turns into a dinner date and Becca tells Arie how he would be the first guy to really meet her family, apparently the last guy just came over sporadically and they couldn’t even make it official. Looks like that was enough to convince gullible Arie that he’s falling for her and to give her a spot at home towns.

Jacqueline Meltdown

Jacqueline is melting down again and trying to disqualify herself, while Lauren B. gets another one-on-one date. Jacqueline can’t wait any more so she goes up to Arie’s room and tells him that she has doubts and just isn’t that into him. Her paranoia gets to her. Off she goes. Eliminates herself. Paranoia at its finest.

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ABC

Pizza Time

Lauren and Arie’s date starts with some ice cream and a walk around town. They sit down and eat some pizza, I repeat, they sit down and EAT pizza. They actually ate a prop for the first time. Amazing. Whatever happens from here on out is just a bonus. I stand corrected, on the dinner date Lauren tells are she’s falling in love with him and he proceeds to get up and leave. She immediately regrets opening up to him. He probably needed to take a leak. Let the guy pee. He comes back and tells her that he’s falling deeply in love with her. She gets a rose. What?

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ABC

Truffling

Sienne is the next one to head on a date with Arie. They start out with truffle hunting. This is so weird. They are using a cute dog to dig in the ground to find truffles. This man whose their tour guide actually invites them to his home for dinner. Geez these Italian people are trusting. Arie reveals that he used to work at a pizza place. That answers the question why Dominos had to change their entire menu and company outlook.

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ABC

Sienne and Arie have a polite conversation at dinner. Her logic versus his heart is the struggle to the middle ground between them. She’s not ready not to have him in her life, but something is off for him. He feels they should be further along and can’t give her a rose. That’s not logic, that’s him following his heart. She logically tries to explain what happened as she drives off in the limo. The women pretend to act shocked when Sienne’s luggage is taken away.

Someone’s Going Home

Villa Royale is the location for the group date. Bekah M., Tia and Kendall are the ones vying for two roses. Kendall is the first one to get some alone time with Arie to build a case for herself to stick around. Tia thinks it’s her duty to warn Arie about Bekah not being ready for him. At least Tia is upfront to Bekah about throwing her under the bus with Arie. That’s what friends are for.

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ABC

Arie reassures Bekah about their feelings for each other. She also opens up and reveals that she has multiple gray hairs. Now, I feel they are perfect for another. So Arie comes over to give the first rose and it goes to Kendall. Well, if that wasn’t another Arie bomb. Tia or Bekah will be heading home. Well after some talk with each lady, Arie drops the shocker and sends young Bekah home. Must have been her gray hair’s. He’s picking Tia and heading to Arkansas.

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ABC

EPISODE 7 RATING: 8.5/10 (Bekah M. shockingly goes home)

BACH TALK:

Another surprising episode tonight. Here are the take aways.

  • Jacqueline’s meltdown wasn’t surprising, but what was is that he seemed genuinely disappointed with it and wanted her to stay.
  • Lauren B. seemed to have the writing on the wall for her, especially since he left the table. It was surprising that she was the one to receive a rose.
  • Becca K. has been slow and steady. Arie seemed to display concern about their lack of momentum, but there has been no sign of that.
  • Sienne’s day on the show appeared to have been numbered. She didn’t last past this episode. There was minimal chemistry between them.
  • The big shocker came when Arie gave Kendall the first date rose. That meant Bakah or Tia would be heading home. It ended up being Bekah heading home. She seemed like a frontrunner and a sure-fire home town entry.
  • Arie has been full of surprises the last few weeks. He has been pretty true to himself and serious. Not keeping around apparent favorites.

For more on The Bachelor, check out my site The Bachelor Universe and follow me on Twitter @JimRko 

 

The Bachelor (S:22 E:6): Arie Plays American Tour Guide in Paris

Bonjour 

Welcome to France. Arie and the remaining ladies arrive in Paris, France. Before anyone can enjoy themselves, Chris Harrison needs to remind Arie that Paris is a city of love and it’s as good as it gets as far as budget will allow them. Jacqueline wants a date with Arie, problem is that Arie has no idea who she is.

Harrison tells the women that there will be two one-on-one dates, a group date and the first two-on-one date, where someone will be heading home. Lauren B. gets the first one-on-one date. Holding hands, Arie pretends he’s French and utters a bonjour, the one word he and Harrison learned.

Lauren of Silence

Arie and Lauren’s date starts off splendid. Arie pretending to be a French tour guide, while Lauren is in such awe of Paris (not Arie) that all she can say to everything is “wow”.

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ABC

Jacqueline has a strong belief that this is the city where she can shine. Yeah, maybe it is the city, but definitely not the show.

It’s dinner date time for Lauren and Arie. They toast to her first time in Europe (most definitely it looks like a short stay) and the cringe worthy boredom of a date continues alongside the nicely distributed prop food.

Arie talks about his previous relationship and how the woman he was with lost Arie’s baby she was carrying and then left Arie right after, which seems to be the thing to finally have gotten a reaction from Lauren. Geez, it had to take that sort of story. Arie managed to get her to admit she has troubles trusting men. She just gives a glimmer of hope for him enough to give her a date rose.

Moulin Rouge

Apparently the Moulin Rouge is a big deal. I just thought it was a mediocre movie. These women are loosing it over this group date to visit the Moulin Rouge. The winner of the group date gets to go on stage with the performers. Bekah M. can’t stop gushing about being at the Moulin Rouge, even a kid visiting Disney for the first time would be more subdued.

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Anyways, Tia is the first one to get some time with Arie to make out. Why? Because. Bekah and Arie run off to the corner to chat, but wide-eyed Bekah unleashes her energy while Arie is gazing into her eyes and inching towards her in hopes of a kiss, but she’s talking a mile a minute. Arie runs off with Sienne next, lots of tongue there.

Back to the group date rose winner, which is Bekah. The roseless ladies didn’t miss out on much besides Arie looking like a giant Smurf with a top hat lip singing in French on stage in front of actual paid customers who unfortunately get to witness this tragedy.

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ABC

Krystal comes out with a date card to reveal that the 2 on 1 date will consist of her and Kendall. She also proceeds to inform America that she’s “fun wife, material”.

Special K’s

The American tour guide episode continues as the special K’s (Kendall and Krystal) are getting a tour of a fancy chateau. The first event on deck is a maze in the courtyard. Krystal finds Arie with ease, while Kendall couldn’t find her way out with the help of GPS a map, or a compass.

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ABC

Krystal gets the alone time with Arie and profusely apologizes for her actions from the week before and starts talking about the color, depth and texture of their relationship, or his sweaty shirt for that matter. She does manage to throw Kendall under the bus.

Instead of getting some quality convo with Arie, Kendall is forced to defend Krystal’s allegations that Kendall isn’t ready for marriage. Foolish Kendall tries to connect with with Krystal but falters during her attempt. Arie breaks up the Kendall and Krystal moment by telling them he needs more time to make his decision on who is getting the date rose.

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ABC

The awkward dinner with the special K’s and Arie starts, but I can’t seem to get my mind off Krystal’s sighs and moans after any word comes out of her mouth. Like what is that “mmmhhmm”? Krystal has that Joker smile, that’s what it is.

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ABC

Looks like Arie isn’t playing games as he extends his date rose to Kendall! Damn. Savage Arie. Just like that Krystal is left gazing at the Eiffel Tower…alone. Meanwhile, Arie and Kendall are making out at the Eiffel Tower.

Meet Jacqueline

Jacqueline, the mystery woman no one knows about, finally gets her date. Things start out great when Arie pickers her up in a car that immediately breaks down. Good start. It has to be a sign from above warning about the budget spending limits. A shopping spree is next, which actually consists of a trip to one store. Dinner date seems to be too much for Jacqueline to handle. Poor girl is melting from stress. So Arie has to scare the poor girl more and brings up obstacles between them, until he offers her the rose.

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Rose Ceremony

I guess it’s safe to say that episode ending rose ceremonies are here to stay for the rest of the season. Three roses and five women. The rose order goes as follows:

  • Tia
  • Sienne
  • Becca K.

Chelsea and Jenna are heading home. Bekah M. looks to be in shock over the eliminations. She just has a reaction for everything. Jenna “Margot Robbie” Cooper gets a hug and a bow out. Chelsea gets walked out by Arie. Side chatter among the women occurs, while Lauren B. is off to the side talking to a producer about her jealousy and uncertainty about going forward. Ta-dah..

EPISODE RATING: 8.5/10 (Surprising Elimination of Krystal)

BACH TALK: 

This was a good episode. Surprises and twists. Finally they were out of the country so the dates and locations got much better. Here are some take aways:

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ABC

  • Goodbye Krystal. That came about a week earlier than expected. The 2 on 1 with Kendall ended up blowing up in Krystal’s face. Still it was very surprising to see her go and not make it past this date. The villain is gone, so the focus is on the true contenders left.
  • Bekah still flying high with Arie. She received her the group date rose and looks like Arie is still super into her.
  • Predictably Jenna was eliminated. She was stunning, but had no traction with Arie. Chelsea on the other hand was a bit of a surprise elimination, especially since Sienne took her spot and stayed.
  • Jacqueline, the woman of international mystery was revealed. Not only did she get screen time, but she had a good chunk of it devoted to her. Apparently Arie is feeling her and has been for a while, but we never got to see it.
  • Next week looks to be the final week before home towns. At least two to three women will be leaving by the end of next week. I expect it to be Sienne, Jacqueline or one of Kendall or Lauren B. Safe to say that both Becca’s, Tia are likely headed to the home towns.

For more on The Bachelor, check out my site The Bachelor Universe and follow me on Twitter @TheJimAlexander

The Bachelor (S:22 E:5): Swampin’ Around A Bowling Meltdown

Florida’s Finest

The women are in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, minds are blown, especially for Becca K. who apparently has never been out of a Florida swamp. Geez, these women are so easy to please.

Maquel is back, while Chelsea gets her solo date with Arie.

Chelsea’s Jet Ski

The women are spying on Arie as he makes out with Chelsea on a jet ski. Stalkers. Afterwards at the dinner date Arie was impressed with her jet ski skills. If by skills you mean someone that sat on a jet ski making out with him, then she’s great.

Chelsea discloses her past and how her ex left her. So much for any credibility to her villain status. He offers her a rose that she accepts. They follow to some garage and walk into a band playing. What are the chances of that? Only on this show.

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Bowling Is Life

What better and cheaper place to take a group of women on a date? A bowling alley. Keeping the budget under control. The women are split into two teams with the winning team getting a date with Arie. As if that’s an incentive. Team blue demolishes team pink. Krystal’s team wins and she focuses on keeping the spirits up high.

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Arie is all about hanging out trophies to everyone, so he invites the losing girls to join the party and spend time with him also. All this to Krystal’s dismay.

Krystal’s Meltdown

On their way back Krystal loses it. Apparently she calls Arie a liar and puts on a nice white robe and won’t go on the date, due to the disrespect to team blue. The women waste no time to tell Arie what Krystal said and calling him a liar. He decides to go speak to Krystal.

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Krystal explains her hurt of not being rewarded for bowling at a smelly cheap bowling alley. He quickly leaves her behind and heads back to all the other women.

He’s on a prowl for the Becca’s. First is a make out session on the rooftop with young Bekah M., followed by a private room invite for Becca K.

Krystal Interrogation

Bekah M. rejoins the women hanging out so she starts giving a speech on the demise of Krystal. Well, it didn’t work because Krystal re-appears right when she’s done. The women begin to question Krystal, but she can’t give a straight answer. Interrogation fail. Firecracker Bekah goes after Krystal and doesn’t hold back.

Lauren B. and Arie have some solo time and they play rapid-fire question and answer, which consists of questions and answers no one could care less about.

Time to give out a group date rose. Lauren ended up sealing the deal and getting the rose. All the kissing Becca’s were left empty handed.

Swampin’ Around

No one will confuse Tia with being high maintenance, but a boat ride on the stinking Everglades? Tia was elated to be in “nature” a.k.a a swamp. Even an alligator pays them a visit, and I thought that voodoo Louisiana trip Nick Viall took his women on was bad. The lunch part of the date is the highlight with friend corn on the cob and some fried frog legs. Now, that’s country livin’.

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Tia does pulls another no-no by bringing up racing to him, which of course gets him going on a tangent. Spare us all Arie, thanks a lot Tia.

On the dinner date, Arie asks Tia about moving out of her little town, but we all know she’s still there. We learn that she’s Dr. Tia, in physical therapy. Tia reveals that she’s falling for Arie and it feels like a fairytale and he just giggles to that. Classic. He makes her repeat it for more affect. This man should be directing this show. Needless to say, she gets a date rose.

Here Comes Krystal, Again

Back to more Krystal drama. She’s back and ready to date Arie. Meanwhile, the quirky Kendall has 100 random weird questions for Arie which are surely going to push him away even further.

Bekah appears to be the ring leader in the get rid of Krystal movement. Kendall is the first one to get into it with Krystal. More blame game with no resolution. Tia jumps in and piles on.

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Ladies and gentlemen we have our season’s first introduction to Jacqueline. Arie immediately talks up their amazing chemistry (even though it’s their first interaction) and proceed to make out.

Arie and Krystal have a sit down. He looks disinterested. She brings up the closeness she felt to him and watching his VHS movies. She starts talking about growing up in a bowling alley. That explains a lot. Trouble in paradise. This situation is muddier than the swamps he took Tia to.

Rose Ceremony

Week 5 of consecutive rose ceremonies. This is getting out of hand. Too much consistency. Krystal brags about all the shades she’s shown Arie, besides the 50 Shades Freed (shameless plug).

Onto the roses:

  • Bekah M.
  • Sienne
  • Kendall
  • Becca K.
  • Jacqueline
  • Jenna
  • Krystal

Marikh, Maquel and another girl (Ashley?) who didn’t stand out heads home.

Episode Rating: 7/10 (Krystal Is Under Fire And Same Old Results)

BACH TALK:

  • Things are finally starting to take shape, one of them being some actual contenders made their waves tonight. A couple that come to mind are Tia, Lauren B., Chelsea and Becca K, with Tia being the strongest contender.
  • We finally know who Jacqueline is. First legitimate interaction with Arie. Still, she’s gone next week for sure.
  • Kendall is different from the other women, but Arie is seeing something in her to keep her around. Every time they have some alone time they have an awkward convo followed by a make out session.
  • The clock is ticking on Krystal. Tonight there was genuine disinterest from Arie. He did his standard eye contact avoidance and keeping physical distance from her. She’s down to her final episodes.

For more on The Bachelor you can check out my site The Bachelor Universe and check out the ‘Bachelor Universe’ podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, etc. 

*Photo: Paul Hebert/ABC

The Bachelor (S:22 E:4): Young and Convincing Love

Fun On The Lake

Things get rolling with some gossip. Bekah M. is the subject and her age is the topic. Ageism at its finest. Can this non-mystery be finally put the rest. So she’s barely over 20-years-old. We know Arie has some fetish for pixie cuts and young women.

Chris Harrison barges in with a surprise notice that Arie has left for Lake Tahoe (good, keep him there) and the women will be joining him there.

The women discover their taxidermy ridden cabins, a.k.a Kendall’s paradise. Sienne doesn’t get to enjoy the cabin, as she gets a solo date with Arie. The date is parasailing, which shocks Sienne, whose never been to Tahoe. Well she won’t be hard to please. Arie promises Sienne some sweet nothing, she buys it, so as I said, doesn’t take much to impress her.

Meanwhile Maquel learns that her grandpa passed away.

The women learn they are going on a group date.

At their dinner date, Sienne announces that she’s very impressed with Arie’s winking skills. Her standards are dropping by a second. I’m convinced that this girl would be over the moon with a McDonald’s date, much less a fancy dinner. I’d even teach her how to whistle, imagine how impressed she’d be with that?! Sienne has never had a love story, so Arie decides that he will provide her with a date rose and take her to an obligatory dance, performed by “Lanco,” whoever they are?

Hiking With Bears

The group date hiking among bears turns into a promise from Jenna that she is willing to drink Arie’s pee, insert eye roll and barf emoji. Arie missed the memo because he’s eating some bugs. How romantic is all this? A hiking competition splits the women in teams of three. The red team with Chelsea, Brittany and Marikh is lost immediately. Give these women some morse code signals. Team Arie make it to the oasis first. The most shocking moment of the season arrives when Arie takes his shirt off for a blink of an eye.

After the date, Arie “steals” Lauren B. and wants to chat with her. She admits that she’s not one to open up. Well, news flash Lauren B., there are about ten more Lauren’s in the house who will open up. Kendall will open up though, mainly about taxidermy, but Arie just wants to make out with her, so he will keep her around for that and the potential she casts him in something.

With all the waiting around Krystal learned the meaning of the word “ostracized”. So she goes to pout to Arie about it. The women can’t bear Krystal, but they are there for Arie, unfortunately Arie is only there for Krystal and Bekah mainly. Tia has trouble understanding the process, girl, just take the advice of Philadelphia 76er Joel Embiid and “Trust The Process”. Stick with it and take your date rose that Arie just gave you and run before he changes his mind.

Young Lovin’

Young Bekah M. gets a solo date with Arie. They start out with some horseback riding. They end up jumping in a small tub in the woods, once again shirtless Arie, can we stop with this? Overdone already and the episode is barely halfway through. To make matters worse, he starts sharing boring racing stories of the past. Snooze fest.

The dinner date with Bekah is about to get going and the apparent moment of truth is inevitable. Bekah brings up the topic of transparency…LOL. Bekah laughs at Arie’s concert that she wouldn’t be ready for “that step”. Joke’s on Arie. The age question comes up and Arie gasps with a smile. Creepy old man. Bekah does all the backtracking she has to do to keep her around. The puppy eyes gaze and a little smart ass reassurance convinces him enough to give her the rose, which he does. Smiley Bekah wins the staring contest.

Rose Ceremony

Rose Ceremony prep time sees yet another arrival of Chris Harrison who announces Arie has made up his mind with who he’s picking and sending home. First rose goes to….never mind. Krystal stops him in his track and asks for a private moment with him. Krystal wastes more time talking about nonsense.

Back to the roses. Lauren B. gets the first one. Kendall. Ashley? Becca K., Chelsea, Jenna “Margot Robbie” Cooper, Jacqueline? Marikh and the final rose to Krystal. Caroline can sell lots of houses now that she’s being sent packing. What a huge mistake. She’d be a finalist if I was The Bachelor, which I should be. Cute Brittany T. is also heading home.

THE BACHELOR (EP. 4) RATING: 7.5/10

BACH TALK:

    • Bekah M. let the inevitable cat out of the bag, she’s 22. Arie pretended to be shocked and turned off, but he was anything but that. She stayed and she’ll be around for a while.
    • Krystal has firmly established herself as the sole villain. She’s the annoying crybaby kinda villain, more like Kelsey from Chris Soules season, less Corinne.
    • Tia is starting to make her move as someone that’s sticking around.
    • Kendall finally separated herself from the rest.
    • Caroline surprisingly gets let go so early. She looked like she should have been a favorite, especially with the likes of Ashley and Jacqueline still receiving roses.

 

For more content on The Bachelor check out TheBachelorUniverse 

The Bachelor (S:22 E:3): Wrestling, Dogs and Keeping it Socially Active

Women Of Wrestling

Week three of The Bachelor starts out with a group date. Get ready for some bodyslams, because the group date consists of some good old fashioned wrestling. One of the women admits to never wrestling, there is a shocker. The women from GLOW wrestling (from the 80’s) arrive to smack some sense and skills to Arie’s girls. Bibiana and Tia have their gimmicks pre-made, “The Crybabies”.

Unbeknownst to him, Arie, gets a match with surprise opponent, Kenny King. Somehow he gets beat down and they give Arie a fake win at the end.

Time for the women to get at it. Bekah does her best Catwoman impression and slaps and smacks the heck out of her opponents.

Krystal proves to be a destroyer by bashing her opponents head against he mat.

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ABC/Paul Hebert

After the women are done slamming each other, they get some alone time with Arie, actually, it’s just Krystal, at Bibiana’s expense. Bekah keeps asking the women if they watch WWE? No, they don’t Bekah, WWE is on exactly at the same time the show you’re on is! You are on THE BACHELOR, do you think these chicks watch pro wrestling? Insert eye roll emoji.

The rose is up for grabs and the women are pretending to tell themselves and each other that they will be getting a rose, all while Arie is making out with the young nanny, Bekah, who ends up getting that rose.

Socially Active

Social Media Manager guru Lauren S. gets a solo date with Arie, so you know she’s definitely tweeting all about it. She’s so impressed with the vineyard that leads me to believe she’s been permanently glued to a computer screen.

Lauren can’t stop talking about growing in her career and not having time for her last boyfriend. It’s called being addicted to social media, girl.

The women at the house get a date card. The implications is that it will be dog themed, which immediately makes Annaliese’s palms sweat and she projects the most sour face possible. Guess what? She also has dog trauma. Insert another few emojis.

Lauren, talks Arie’s head off to the point he needs to stop her and tell her that she won’t get a rose. Luckily for Lauren, she has all the time in the world to dominate social media now.

Doggie Daycare 

The group date is at The Grove in LA. The women are doing a doggie showcase and failing epically at it. Even Fred Willard couldn’t help with the commentary.

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ABC/Paul Hebert

Annaliese can plan her swift exit after she has an awkward chat with Arie, where he can’t help himself, but look away. Ouch.

Cocktail rose awaits none other than Chelsea.

During the pre-rose ceremony Bibiana continues her lamenting. Meanwhile Bekah M. and Arie tries to find out if she is ready for marriage. She flips the questions back at him and psycho analyzes him. He calls her “risky”. Has to be the pixie cut.

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ABC/Paul Hebert

We finally find out what it takes to get Tia smitten, some moonshine. How unimpressive.

Annaliese, takes Arie to the balcony in hopes of a make out session, but he tells her they are not there yet, meaning, leave this balcony woman because you’ll be leaving this house tonight.

Alert! There is a Margot Robbie “lite” look-alike in the house. Stay tuned for her name.

Annaliese, is desperate for an answer, so she confronts Arie and gets her elimination, prior to the rose elimination. Arie just isn’t the man to deal with bumper car and doggie phobias.

Rose Ceremony

Are we seriously back to rose ceremonies at the end of the show? This is groundbreaking.

The first rose goes to Caroline (gets my approval). Kendall. Ashley. Lauren B. Brittany. Becca K. takes the rose with a “hell yeah”. Sienne gets the next one. Krystal. Tia. Markel. Jenna (ok, so maybe she isn’t quite Margot Robbie, but to me she does). Jacqueline. Marikh gets the final rose of the night. Bibiana and her mouth are finally going home.

EPISODE RATING: 8/10 (Arie is letting women leave by the minute)

QUICK TAKES:

  • Krystal is being established as the clear villain of this season, only problem is that she’s kinda nice also. There is a lack of baddies, so Krystal is the worst of the nicest. I find her just more of an intimidator to the women.
  • Bekah is making her push. This episode showed how smitten Arie is with her already, wait till she tells him her age. Seems like that reveal is next week.
  • Annaliese and Bibiana are finally put out their misery. Lots of complaining, but they got no action.
  • I’m still debating if Jenna resembles Margot Robbie. To me she does, I’ll take it.
  •  For an old Bachelor, they sure are booking a lot of immature dates for Arie. Wrestling? Go-karts? What’s next, a the kiddie playland at McDonald’s.
  • Arie is making it uber (not the car service) easy to see when he’s not into a woman. He can’t even look them straight in the face and finds every excuse not to get physically close to them and kiss them.

Pics: (ABC/Paul Hebert)

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The Bachelor (S:22 E:2): ‘Checking Out’ In Style

In Style

Some things never change, and episode two of The Bachelor assures us that Bekah has yet to find a bra. Becca K. wore a bra and gets to go on a solo date with Arie. Gray-man Arie arrives to take Becca on a motorcycle ride. At least Arie admits to not knowing female style so he takes Becca to a renowned stylist to get her looking top-notch. Even I know Christian Louboutin are baller shoes. Becca is at the right place indeed. Becca better just head back straight where she came from in Minnesota, because the women will tear her apart with all those material gifts she’s gotten.

Arie admits to his gray hair! A novelty, folks. This is the questions the entire world has wanted him to admit.

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Meanwhile at the house the women get a date card. Krystal gets a one-on-one date.

On their dinner date, Becca K. reveals her dad passed away from brain cancer. Arie relates to her honesty and gives her a rose. He proceeds to reveal that she only gets to keep her earrings, so much for those Louboutin shoes.

Sweet Home Arizona

Home is where the heart is, that’s the theme of Arie’s date with Krystal. Unless he’s getting her some Louboutin’s then it surely will be a letdown. Apparently Krystal has never been to Scottsdale (his hometown), well she’s not missing out on much. His high school looks like a strip mall gone out of business. To make matters worse he turns on his home VHS videos of his childhood, ensuring to bore her to death. This girl needs this misery to end.

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Krystal is getting her hometown date from the get-go as she gets to meet his family. On the contrary, Krystal reveals she’s not close with her family. Her parents divorce and her brother’s issues. She opens up to Arie and are returns the favor with a rose.

Bumper Cars

The group date is a demolition derby. Well, that’s fitting. The cars were the last thing to crash and burn here. The sad story of Annaliese and her childhood bumper car trauma comes to light. The mirrors, the bumper cars, the circus music. Yeah, bring some clowns for her also. The car bumping proceeds to go flawless.

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The next big reveal was Chelsea telling Arie that she has another man! Scandalous! Not really, she tells him about her kid. Bibiana or whatever her name is, becomes enraged over not getting her solo talk with him. Barely legal Bekah M. doesn’t wait around to make out with Arie, who could probably be more of a father figure to her than boyfriend. Chelsea gets complimented for telling him about her kid, but Seinne is the one to get the rose.

Brittany returns from her bumper car injury and gets some alone time with Arie from that. He gifts her with the “most hardcore” certificate, which means absolutely nothing. Don’t even bother framing it girl.

While Brittany is basking in glory with her new certificate, kid nurse Bekah M. is making out with Arie, again.

Krystal won’t ever be confused with Where is Waldo, that girl is always lurking. Bibina is the wrong tough chick to mess with and steal her time with Arie. Bibiana “checked” her. She went straight gangsta on wide-eyed California princess Krystal.

Rose Ceremony 

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Maquel, Jacqueline, Bekah M., Jenna, Chelsea, Lauren S. (first of a dozen Lauren’s), Tia, Annalise, Lauren B., Kendall, Brittany, Ashley, Marikh, Caroline, and Bibiana gets the final rose. Gotta keep the one that stirs things up. Valerie, Jenny and Lauren G.

Distraught Chicago Jenny is heading home and doesn’t give Arie a hug. Blows him off but he runs after her to get a hug. Her first break-up.

EPISODE RATING: 7/10 (Some drama, but nothing to take away)

REACTION:

This episode was all about Krystal, with a side order of Bekah M. getting in on some solo action with Arie. Krystal is slowly being painted as a nice villain. She’s got shades. She has to be an early frontrunner. 

The bumper car date was okay, I get the theme, but kinda childish. 

Bibiana got to bark a bit and unleash her dominance, earned her the final rose of the night and one more week on the show. 

Arie showed a comforting and sympathetic side of him when he consoled with the Annaliese breakdown. I mean she’s dreading bumper cars! Well done Arie. 

(Photo:ABC/Paul Hebert)