The Bachelor (S:22 E:6): Arie Plays American Tour Guide in Paris

Bonjour 

Welcome to France. Arie and the remaining ladies arrive in Paris, France. Before anyone can enjoy themselves, Chris Harrison needs to remind Arie that Paris is a city of love and it’s as good as it gets as far as budget will allow them. Jacqueline wants a date with Arie, problem is that Arie has no idea who she is.

Harrison tells the women that there will be two one-on-one dates, a group date and the first two-on-one date, where someone will be heading home. Lauren B. gets the first one-on-one date. Holding hands, Arie pretends he’s French and utters a bonjour, the one word he and Harrison learned.

Lauren of Silence

Arie and Lauren’s date starts off splendid. Arie pretending to be a French tour guide, while Lauren is in such awe of Paris (not Arie) that all she can say to everything is “wow”.

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Jacqueline has a strong belief that this is the city where she can shine. Yeah, maybe it is the city, but definitely not the show.

It’s dinner date time for Lauren and Arie. They toast to her first time in Europe (most definitely it looks like a short stay) and the cringe worthy boredom of a date continues alongside the nicely distributed prop food.

Arie talks about his previous relationship and how the woman he was with lost Arie’s baby she was carrying and then left Arie right after, which seems to be the thing to finally have gotten a reaction from Lauren. Geez, it had to take that sort of story. Arie managed to get her to admit she has troubles trusting men. She just gives a glimmer of hope for him enough to give her a date rose.

Moulin Rouge

Apparently the Moulin Rouge is a big deal. I just thought it was a mediocre movie. These women are loosing it over this group date to visit the Moulin Rouge. The winner of the group date gets to go on stage with the performers. Bekah M. can’t stop gushing about being at the Moulin Rouge, even a kid visiting Disney for the first time would be more subdued.

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Anyways, Tia is the first one to get some time with Arie to make out. Why? Because. Bekah and Arie run off to the corner to chat, but wide-eyed Bekah unleashes her energy while Arie is gazing into her eyes and inching towards her in hopes of a kiss, but she’s talking a mile a minute. Arie runs off with Sienne next, lots of tongue there.

Back to the group date rose winner, which is Bekah. The roseless ladies didn’t miss out on much besides Arie looking like a giant Smurf with a top hat lip singing in French on stage in front of actual paid customers who unfortunately get to witness this tragedy.

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Krystal comes out with a date card to reveal that the 2 on 1 date will consist of her and Kendall. She also proceeds to inform America that she’s “fun wife, material”.

Special K’s

The American tour guide episode continues as the special K’s (Kendall and Krystal) are getting a tour of a fancy chateau. The first event on deck is a maze in the courtyard. Krystal finds Arie with ease, while Kendall couldn’t find her way out with the help of GPS a map, or a compass.

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Krystal gets the alone time with Arie and profusely apologizes for her actions from the week before and starts talking about the color, depth and texture of their relationship, or his sweaty shirt for that matter. She does manage to throw Kendall under the bus.

Instead of getting some quality convo with Arie, Kendall is forced to defend Krystal’s allegations that Kendall isn’t ready for marriage. Foolish Kendall tries to connect with with Krystal but falters during her attempt. Arie breaks up the Kendall and Krystal moment by telling them he needs more time to make his decision on who is getting the date rose.

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The awkward dinner with the special K’s and Arie starts, but I can’t seem to get my mind off Krystal’s sighs and moans after any word comes out of her mouth. Like what is that “mmmhhmm”? Krystal has that Joker smile, that’s what it is.

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Looks like Arie isn’t playing games as he extends his date rose to Kendall! Damn. Savage Arie. Just like that Krystal is left gazing at the Eiffel Tower…alone. Meanwhile, Arie and Kendall are making out at the Eiffel Tower.

Meet Jacqueline

Jacqueline, the mystery woman no one knows about, finally gets her date. Things start out great when Arie pickers her up in a car that immediately breaks down. Good start. It has to be a sign from above warning about the budget spending limits. A shopping spree is next, which actually consists of a trip to one store. Dinner date seems to be too much for Jacqueline to handle. Poor girl is melting from stress. So Arie has to scare the poor girl more and brings up obstacles between them, until he offers her the rose.

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Rose Ceremony

I guess it’s safe to say that episode ending rose ceremonies are here to stay for the rest of the season. Three roses and five women. The rose order goes as follows:

  • Tia
  • Sienne
  • Becca K.

Chelsea and Jenna are heading home. Bekah M. looks to be in shock over the eliminations. She just has a reaction for everything. Jenna “Margot Robbie” Cooper gets a hug and a bow out. Chelsea gets walked out by Arie. Side chatter among the women occurs, while Lauren B. is off to the side talking to a producer about her jealousy and uncertainty about going forward. Ta-dah..

EPISODE RATING: 8.5/10 (Surprising Elimination of Krystal)

BACH TALK: 

This was a good episode. Surprises and twists. Finally they were out of the country so the dates and locations got much better. Here are some take aways:

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  • Goodbye Krystal. That came about a week earlier than expected. The 2 on 1 with Kendall ended up blowing up in Krystal’s face. Still it was very surprising to see her go and not make it past this date. The villain is gone, so the focus is on the true contenders left.
  • Bekah still flying high with Arie. She received her the group date rose and looks like Arie is still super into her.
  • Predictably Jenna was eliminated. She was stunning, but had no traction with Arie. Chelsea on the other hand was a bit of a surprise elimination, especially since Sienne took her spot and stayed.
  • Jacqueline, the woman of international mystery was revealed. Not only did she get screen time, but she had a good chunk of it devoted to her. Apparently Arie is feeling her and has been for a while, but we never got to see it.
  • Next week looks to be the final week before home towns. At least two to three women will be leaving by the end of next week. I expect it to be Sienne, Jacqueline or one of Kendall or Lauren B. Safe to say that both Becca’s, Tia are likely headed to the home towns.

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The Bachelor (S:22 E:4): Young and Convincing Love

Fun On The Lake

Things get rolling with some gossip. Bekah M. is the subject and her age is the topic. Ageism at its finest. Can this non-mystery be finally put the rest. So she’s barely over 20-years-old. We know Arie has some fetish for pixie cuts and young women.

Chris Harrison barges in with a surprise notice that Arie has left for Lake Tahoe (good, keep him there) and the women will be joining him there.

The women discover their taxidermy ridden cabins, a.k.a Kendall’s paradise. Sienne doesn’t get to enjoy the cabin, as she gets a solo date with Arie. The date is parasailing, which shocks Sienne, whose never been to Tahoe. Well she won’t be hard to please. Arie promises Sienne some sweet nothing, she buys it, so as I said, doesn’t take much to impress her.

Meanwhile Maquel learns that her grandpa passed away.

The women learn they are going on a group date.

At their dinner date, Sienne announces that she’s very impressed with Arie’s winking skills. Her standards are dropping by a second. I’m convinced that this girl would be over the moon with a McDonald’s date, much less a fancy dinner. I’d even teach her how to whistle, imagine how impressed she’d be with that?! Sienne has never had a love story, so Arie decides that he will provide her with a date rose and take her to an obligatory dance, performed by “Lanco,” whoever they are?

Hiking With Bears

The group date hiking among bears turns into a promise from Jenna that she is willing to drink Arie’s pee, insert eye roll and barf emoji. Arie missed the memo because he’s eating some bugs. How romantic is all this? A hiking competition splits the women in teams of three. The red team with Chelsea, Brittany and Marikh is lost immediately. Give these women some morse code signals. Team Arie make it to the oasis first. The most shocking moment of the season arrives when Arie takes his shirt off for a blink of an eye.

After the date, Arie “steals” Lauren B. and wants to chat with her. She admits that she’s not one to open up. Well, news flash Lauren B., there are about ten more Lauren’s in the house who will open up. Kendall will open up though, mainly about taxidermy, but Arie just wants to make out with her, so he will keep her around for that and the potential she casts him in something.

With all the waiting around Krystal learned the meaning of the word “ostracized”. So she goes to pout to Arie about it. The women can’t bear Krystal, but they are there for Arie, unfortunately Arie is only there for Krystal and Bekah mainly. Tia has trouble understanding the process, girl, just take the advice of Philadelphia 76er Joel Embiid and “Trust The Process”. Stick with it and take your date rose that Arie just gave you and run before he changes his mind.

Young Lovin’

Young Bekah M. gets a solo date with Arie. They start out with some horseback riding. They end up jumping in a small tub in the woods, once again shirtless Arie, can we stop with this? Overdone already and the episode is barely halfway through. To make matters worse, he starts sharing boring racing stories of the past. Snooze fest.

The dinner date with Bekah is about to get going and the apparent moment of truth is inevitable. Bekah brings up the topic of transparency…LOL. Bekah laughs at Arie’s concert that she wouldn’t be ready for “that step”. Joke’s on Arie. The age question comes up and Arie gasps with a smile. Creepy old man. Bekah does all the backtracking she has to do to keep her around. The puppy eyes gaze and a little smart ass reassurance convinces him enough to give her the rose, which he does. Smiley Bekah wins the staring contest.

Rose Ceremony

Rose Ceremony prep time sees yet another arrival of Chris Harrison who announces Arie has made up his mind with who he’s picking and sending home. First rose goes to….never mind. Krystal stops him in his track and asks for a private moment with him. Krystal wastes more time talking about nonsense.

Back to the roses. Lauren B. gets the first one. Kendall. Ashley? Becca K., Chelsea, Jenna “Margot Robbie” Cooper, Jacqueline? Marikh and the final rose to Krystal. Caroline can sell lots of houses now that she’s being sent packing. What a huge mistake. She’d be a finalist if I was The Bachelor, which I should be. Cute Brittany T. is also heading home.

THE BACHELOR (EP. 4) RATING: 7.5/10

BACH TALK:

    • Bekah M. let the inevitable cat out of the bag, she’s 22. Arie pretended to be shocked and turned off, but he was anything but that. She stayed and she’ll be around for a while.
    • Krystal has firmly established herself as the sole villain. She’s the annoying crybaby kinda villain, more like Kelsey from Chris Soules season, less Corinne.
    • Tia is starting to make her move as someone that’s sticking around.
    • Kendall finally separated herself from the rest.
    • Caroline surprisingly gets let go so early. She looked like she should have been a favorite, especially with the likes of Ashley and Jacqueline still receiving roses.

 

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The Bachelor (S:22 E:2): ‘Checking Out’ In Style

In Style

Some things never change, and episode two of The Bachelor assures us that Bekah has yet to find a bra. Becca K. wore a bra and gets to go on a solo date with Arie. Gray-man Arie arrives to take Becca on a motorcycle ride. At least Arie admits to not knowing female style so he takes Becca to a renowned stylist to get her looking top-notch. Even I know Christian Louboutin are baller shoes. Becca is at the right place indeed. Becca better just head back straight where she came from in Minnesota, because the women will tear her apart with all those material gifts she’s gotten.

Arie admits to his gray hair! A novelty, folks. This is the questions the entire world has wanted him to admit.

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Meanwhile at the house the women get a date card. Krystal gets a one-on-one date.

On their dinner date, Becca K. reveals her dad passed away from brain cancer. Arie relates to her honesty and gives her a rose. He proceeds to reveal that she only gets to keep her earrings, so much for those Louboutin shoes.

Sweet Home Arizona

Home is where the heart is, that’s the theme of Arie’s date with Krystal. Unless he’s getting her some Louboutin’s then it surely will be a letdown. Apparently Krystal has never been to Scottsdale (his hometown), well she’s not missing out on much. His high school looks like a strip mall gone out of business. To make matters worse he turns on his home VHS videos of his childhood, ensuring to bore her to death. This girl needs this misery to end.

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Krystal is getting her hometown date from the get-go as she gets to meet his family. On the contrary, Krystal reveals she’s not close with her family. Her parents divorce and her brother’s issues. She opens up to Arie and are returns the favor with a rose.

Bumper Cars

The group date is a demolition derby. Well, that’s fitting. The cars were the last thing to crash and burn here. The sad story of Annaliese and her childhood bumper car trauma comes to light. The mirrors, the bumper cars, the circus music. Yeah, bring some clowns for her also. The car bumping proceeds to go flawless.

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The next big reveal was Chelsea telling Arie that she has another man! Scandalous! Not really, she tells him about her kid. Bibiana or whatever her name is, becomes enraged over not getting her solo talk with him. Barely legal Bekah M. doesn’t wait around to make out with Arie, who could probably be more of a father figure to her than boyfriend. Chelsea gets complimented for telling him about her kid, but Seinne is the one to get the rose.

Brittany returns from her bumper car injury and gets some alone time with Arie from that. He gifts her with the “most hardcore” certificate, which means absolutely nothing. Don’t even bother framing it girl.

While Brittany is basking in glory with her new certificate, kid nurse Bekah M. is making out with Arie, again.

Krystal won’t ever be confused with Where is Waldo, that girl is always lurking. Bibina is the wrong tough chick to mess with and steal her time with Arie. Bibiana “checked” her. She went straight gangsta on wide-eyed California princess Krystal.

Rose Ceremony 

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Maquel, Jacqueline, Bekah M., Jenna, Chelsea, Lauren S. (first of a dozen Lauren’s), Tia, Annalise, Lauren B., Kendall, Brittany, Ashley, Marikh, Caroline, and Bibiana gets the final rose. Gotta keep the one that stirs things up. Valerie, Jenny and Lauren G.

Distraught Chicago Jenny is heading home and doesn’t give Arie a hug. Blows him off but he runs after her to get a hug. Her first break-up.

EPISODE RATING: 7/10 (Some drama, but nothing to take away)

REACTION:

This episode was all about Krystal, with a side order of Bekah M. getting in on some solo action with Arie. Krystal is slowly being painted as a nice villain. She’s got shades. She has to be an early frontrunner. 

The bumper car date was okay, I get the theme, but kinda childish. 

Bibiana got to bark a bit and unleash her dominance, earned her the final rose of the night and one more week on the show. 

Arie showed a comforting and sympathetic side of him when he consoled with the Annaliese breakdown. I mean she’s dreading bumper cars! Well done Arie. 

(Photo:ABC/Paul Hebert)